You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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