I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
