I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
