Please, let me fuck your mom
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
