Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
