it wasn't lemon gatorade
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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