Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
