Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize