my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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