Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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