I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
