if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
