So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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