So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
