If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
