yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
