things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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