ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
