I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
