Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
