Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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