my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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