I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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