ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
