i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
