How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
