And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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