She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
