if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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