I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
