I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
