i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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