yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize