I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize