i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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