our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
