First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
