just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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