Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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