i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I AM VODKA MAN
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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