Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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