____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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