dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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