I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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