i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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