come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
