Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
