About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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