i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize