How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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