I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
