Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
