I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
