if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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