Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
