well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm having to shit out rocks
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