omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
