I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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