i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
