I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
