Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
