Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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