Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
