on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
