Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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