This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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