you would pick up someone in the library
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
