i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
