May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
